THE FALLACY OF TRUE LOVE

How many times have you heard the expression, “True love happens only once in your lifetime”, or variations to this theme? I presume the fact that some love can be true implies a false kind of love. Otherwise, why would you need the word “true” before the word “love”? This truly is one of the greatest hoaxes of our time.

In my view, what we mistake for “true love” is actually a “love” based on possessing, owning, demanding and a selfish desire to satisfy your own needs, not those of the object of your love. I see this theme played out time and again both in fact and in fiction. The question you need to ask is “Is this love or is this a desire to possess, to satisfy an inner longing that lies within you?” And I think the answer to that will always be the same.

In my view there is a type of love that lies above all of this. Let us, for the sake of argument, call it “pure love.” Why pure? Pure because it is not polluted by your own desires and needs. The pure kind of love only thrives on the happiness and well-being of the object of your love. If you love someone in a pure way, your only desire would be to see your love happy and healthy. You would do everything in your power to make that person happy. You would not worry about your own desires or your own needs, just the needs of the person you love.

In my view there is no such thing as true love. What passes for true love is a selfish desire to possess, to satisfy your own inner desires, your need for fulfillment. If you feel unconditional love that only looks at the happiness and well-being of the person you love, you have experienced pure love. It happens rarely. A smile on his or her face, happiness, health and delight in that person will be the source of great satisfaction.

The problem really arises when two people love each other in different ways. One feels “true” love and the other one feels “pure” love. The relationship is then doomed to failure. Because one will never understand how the other feels.

The next time you fall for someone just try and understand if what you feel is obsession, the desire to possess and satisfy your own inner longings, or whether you are just happy to see them well and happy. That will determine which side of the divide you are on.

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